Saturday, June 2, 2007

Muttley!..Do Something! (Part II)

Where last did we leave our dastardly duo? Helplessly hog-tied on the railroad tracks? Anxiously awaiting the buzz saw? Feloniously forced into a vat of bubbling sulfuric acid? Well, no, nothing quite that drastic; just zooming through the Slovenian countryside, minding their own business when at the side of the road, where no intersection or obvious obstruction presented itself, there appeared a rather ordinary….traffic signal. Muttley’s keen eye spotted it immediately and even registered that the red light was indeed illuminated. Hmm….what could that mean? Muttley’s steel trap mind quickly assessed that while the color red could arguably be construed as the universal symbol for STOP, he could not make the leap to process this information within the context of our situation. (There’s a reason they say a dog’s intelligence is on par with a four- year- old.) Therefore, he issued no warning to Dick Dastardly, and so we continued on our merry way, completely ignorant of impending doom. However, 35 years of driving experience slowly overrode this rather cavalier attitude (as well as the fact that the row of cars that had previously been in our rear view mirror were now eerily absent) and Muttley quickly rethought the whole unfortunate situation. And just as that fact registered in his beady little brain, the road precariously narrowed down to one lane. This in itself was somewhat alarming but appeared to pose no immediate threat. However, within seconds, as fate would have it (yes, even one on vacation), what comes barreling down upon the Mean Machine but….yes, you guessed it…a Totally Turbo Teutonic Tour Bus. (I don’t understand it either. Try as you might, you just can’t keep those Germans in their own country!)

Well now, Muttley stopped his insufferable snickering and threw Dick Dastardly a horrific look, causing him to helplessly throw his hands in the air and scream: “Muttley, Do Something!” And as always, Muttley was up to the task. I few Hail Marys later (I’m not certain but I think he’s Catholic), the Dauntless Duo effortlessly pulled onto a most welcome widening on the side of the road and allowed the Massive MercedesMobile to pass with millimeters to spare. After recovering our composure, we expertly readjusted our goggles, quickly did a pre-flight check, boldly shifted back into first, and….prudently decided to stay put until those cars that had obeyed that rather glaring red light made their way through. We then meekly snuck back into the flow of traffic and continued on to the home stretch and further Wacky adventures.

For those of you concerned, do not fear! I do not anticipate the arrival of a Slovenian ticket, one attempting to take advantage of a poor foreigner ignorant of the country's traffic laws, to increase their gross national product. This is predicated on numerous factors. Firstly, it was dark and we were out in the middle of nowhere. Secondly, there were no surveillance cameras or police cars in the area. And thirdly? The most helpful agent at Hertz didn’t photocopy MY license.

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